It's About Time

 It's About Time

Last Friday I took my almost 5-year-old granddaughter, Bailey, and her friend, Lexi to a nearby park.  The day was perfect - 75 degrees, slight breeze, buds popping out on the trees - well, you get the picture. The girls required very little of my attention, so I took advantage of the time to do something I truly enjoy - people watching.  Or, in this case, kid watching. 

Just as I was settling in, two young parents entered the park with their twin toddlers.  The boys ran around like wound-up toys for a while, then, the dad started a game of hide and seek.  He crouched behind a bench and called to the boys, then they waddled around, in that adorable toddler way, until they happened upon the dad.  Upon finding him, they screeched and ran as fast as they could in the other direction.  This continued for quite some time with mom and dad alternating the hiding and the little guys seeking. Next up was riding trikes.  Then, chasing each other.

There was nothing earth shaking about that family's little game.  Such play times happen many times in the course of a week for most families.  What struck me was the simplicity of their shared experience and, especially, what those little guys learned in that short time.  It reminded me that the most important things we can provide for our children cost nothing, except our time.  Learning and development require little more than space, time and opportunity.  In the short time I observed this family, I saw the following :

                   * trust and positive relationships between the boys and their parents
                   * an understanding of predictability the the security that it brings
                   * motor skills - both fine and gross -  being practiced
                   * an understanding of the permanence of objects
                   * a sense of worth developing as the parents spent time with their boys
                   * opportunities to explore nature
                   * an emerging understanding of number, as the parents counted when hiding
                   * experiences with physics (slopes and gears as they rode their trikes)
                   * mapping skills, as they rode their trikes, then returned to their parents
                   * attachment behaviors
                   * language skills, as the parents talked and the boys responded
                   * affirmation, as the parents acknowledged and praised the boys' efforts

This is only a partial list, but it makes the point.  There is no worksheet or set of flash cards or computer program that can begin to substitute what that family experienced at the park that day.  I believe we underestimate the importance of the simple moments we share with our children.

 

  I just completed grading an Autobiography/Culture assignment for my Infant/Toddler Development class.  For the paper, students were asked to identify components of their family culture, events that have impacted their lives, important relationships, and much more.  After reading the first few, I began to see an interesting pattern.  The events that stood out in the memories of the students were seldom huge, once-in-a lifetime experiences. Most often, they were things like spending time baking cookies with Grandma or walking along the beach with someone special or movie night with the family.  Money was rarely mentioned.  As a matter of fact, what was most often mentioned was the LACK of money.  All in all, the most important things were related to people, not things.  



Our need for positive, predicable relationships begins at birth (perhaps even before) and continues throughout life.  This really hit home for me when I saw Castaway for the first time.  The main character, who was stranded on an island, withstood much hardship and pain, including pulling his own tooth, but, his most difficult experience was losing his best friend, Wilson - who, by the way, was a volleyball.  This "friend" was born out of a need for companionship and connection with another "person". I think the castaway's very survival was a result of his connection to that ball with a painted face.  Each of us requires positive relationships and, in their absence, every domain of our development is affected.  This is a strong message for parents.  Time spent playing with, reading to, talking to, and engaging a child is the best gift we can give our children.  It's free and will impact our children today and for the rest of their lives.  Not a bad investment.